Ten Reasons You Don't Want to Be My Friend - A Rebuttal

October 06, 2014  •  3 Comments

I recently read http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sarah-cottrell/10-reasons-you-dont-want-to-be-my-friend_b_5745766.html and I just have to say wow.  Wow, wow, wow.

I despise the mommy wars and I try so hard not to judge but c'mon.  For real?

Here's 10 reasons you might not want to be my friend:

1. I am a reluctant morning person.  Oh how I hate mornings.  I feel after having 3 kids and the amount of nights I lost sleep with them I deserve to sleep in past noon every day.  But I don't.  I get up first in my house, shower, make lunches, brew the coffee and then I wake everyone else up.  What's that?  You can't manage that?  Really?  Why not?

2. My house is almost always spotless.  The funny thing is, I don't clean.  Nope.  I hate cleaning.  That's why I married a neat freak.  My husband likes things just so... so he does it.  I cook and do the dishes.  I make sure the kids homework is done and the kids have done their chores.  What's that?  Your kids don't have chores?  That's a shame.  My kids know we are all a part of a team.  Oldest empties the dishwasher, takes out the trash and makes sure the table is set for dinner.  The middle one takes care of the dog.  Makes sure he's fed, walked and his dog poo is picked up out of my yard if he hopes to play football with his friends.  The youngest, at just 5, has it easy.  She has to dust, make sure all items left in the family areas are taken back to bedrooms, because we do not allow clutter in our common living spaces.  By the time we sit down to dinner, my house is spotless and ready for company.  My kids started chores early and they don't have any choice.  Oh, the oldest is also responsible for his own laundry.  Why?  Because I'll be damned if I send my kid out into the world incapable of taking care of himself.

3. I look nice 80% of the time.  My hair is neatly pulled into a ponytail and my clothes are clean.  It may sound 1950's to say it, but I want my husband to be proud of the wife he has.  Now, lets get one thing straight, I don't wear makeup, I don't primp and priss.  I am the definition of low maintenance (I did mention the ever-present ponytail right?) but I will not go out with stains on my clothes or *gasp* sweats, unless I am headed to the gym.  Its not only that I want my husband to be proud of me, I want him to want me.  I want him to know that he matters to me, so I make the effort.  Would you go on a date with your husband when you first met wearing a shirt you've been wearing for 2 days?  Then WHY is it ok now?  Have some damn pride in yourself!

4. I care about your dating woes.  Honestly.  I love getting together with my girlfriends and asking them about their lives, their families, their trials and triumphs.  Showing an interest in your friends is just a way to show them that you care about them and they matter.   Occasionally I get to throw in a story or two about my young'uns... or my parents, or my vacation, or a new restaurant opening up.  Relationships are give and take, not take, take, take.

5. I can always get a baby sitter.  I've never heard of this "arsenic hour" of which you speak.  Maybe I missed that page of the parenting handbook and I've been doing it wrong all these years.  But hey! if you want to get together for cocktails because you're having a crisis and you just found out your husband cheated on you (by the way, changing your shirt might help prevent that) then you can bet your ass I will be there to listen, wipe your tears, cover your back, make you laugh and pick up the pieces for you.  See, my husband, who helped me make those 3 kids, wouldn't even bat an eye if I said a friend needed a shoulder to cry on and I'd need to run out for the night.  And if not, I'm lucky enough that I have a great support network of amazing women in my community, that if I needed someone to watch my kids, they would.  Know why?  Because I've done it for them.  Once again, there's that relationship give and take thing.

6. Talking on the phone to me won't be a problem.  My kids know if someone is on the phone, unless there is an emergency, then it can wait.  Patiently.  In the other room.  If they interrupt my phone call to ask me a pointless question that could have waited, they will have consequences.  Nothing bad mind you.  I've made my children write ten ways they could have solved their problem themselves without interrupting me, or I've made them wait an additional amount of time to get what they desire, or some other non-violent-but-get-my-point-across-that-the-world-does-not-revolve-around-you punishment.

7. I swear like a truck driver.  Or a sailor.  I've tried to curb it, really I have.  I just can't help it.  Growing up with 4 brothers tends to do that to a girl.  #sorrynotsorry

8. Crying?  Over going out to eat?  Your life has been sucked dry?  Lady, c'mon.  This is just ridiculous.  We eat out all the time!  With our kids, without our kids, with our extended families, grandparents, brothers, sisters, our friends that have kids similar ages.  All. The. Time.  How else are our kids supposed to learn what is acceptable behavior in society and what is not acceptable if you don't take them out into society?  How else am I supposed to stay connected with my husband if we don't go out alone for dates?  My husband and I go out for a date night at least once a month if not more.  We love each others' company.  We love connecting and focusing all of our attention on each other. We are still two people that met long ago and fell madly in love with each other.  Kids haven't changed that one bit.  I'm sorry its changed for you.  

9. I will never ask you any mom questions.  Know why?  I'm not your mom.  It would never occur to me to try to mother grown adults.  I can switch off that mommy button and turn into Amy.  Amy likes art, photography, classic rock, Broadway Musicals and food.  (Dear God I love food.)

10. I really won't tell you about my kids, unless you bring it up by asking me how they are, at which point I will politely reply "they are great" and then I will ask you a question in order to change the topic.  Because I understand that I am a whole person made up of many different parts.  Motherhood is only one part.  I am a wife, a daughter, an artist.  I contribute so much more to my community through friendships and volunteer opportunities and sports organizations and committees.  I wake up every morning wanting to make a difference in my little corner of the world, and I lead my children by example.  I show my children that it is their responsibility to care for our home, neighbors, friends and community by actively doing, not by sitting around expecting the world to change to suit me.

You're right.  I don't want to be your friend.  Because "YOU" don't exist.  Not anymore.  You are just a shell of person that has been overtaken by some idea of motherhood.






So nice to read this awesome list. I'd love to be friends with you! :D
You're my new favorite person
THANK YOU! I wanted to come through that computer screen and slap the crap out of that woman for writing such nonsense. Do you remember the Saturday Night Live commercial for "mom jeans"? That line at the end always horrified me: "Because I'm not a woman anymore... I'm a MOM!" I think maybe she took that to heart...
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